Did you ever just have one of those weeks? You know when it seems like everything that was supposed to happen didn’t and everything that wasn’t supposed to did. I can handle the big stuff pretty well (after all that’s why I get paid the big bucks) but it’s the little stuff that drives me nuts. This week my car battery died, I lost my favorite cross, my thesis professor left the country…leaving me in the lurch. It's not the jaws of the alligators that get you; it's the nibbling of the ducks. So I threw myself a little pity party and whined about all of it to John. He nodded knowingly, gave me a big hug and promptly asked “what’s for supper?” The man has an uncanny knack for putting things in perspective! As the old Arab proverb goes, "The dogs keep barking, but the caravan moves on."
Whether our complaints are trivial or significant, whether they are peripheral or ultimate, every complaint adds to the sea of negativity that robs us of energy, enthusiasm, and life so that’s why our pity parties can’t last too long. Whining is contagious. When I give in to it I find myself getting more and more negative. I sink into cynicism. You know what a cynic is? According to Sydney Harris, "A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he (or she!) is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future." Well, that's not Christian, is it? Christians believe a loving God holds a good future secure. But when I get in that mood, I am a misery to everybody. My first word is why something won't work… how messed up everything is…how useless it is even to try. And then it occurs to me: I better do something to snap out of it. That isn't who I want to be. That isn't where I need to stay. I better pray. I better sit in silence with God, because I need an attitude adjustment. And when I get there, it doesn't really matter whether what has caused me to be negative is a matter of real importance or a string of petty gripes. If I stay there, I'm going to do damage to myself and others with my wheedling and whining, with my carping and complaining, with my waa, waa, waa!
That has to be what Moses and Aaron were feeling when the Israelites began to murmur in the wilderness. They have faced down Pharaoh. They have escaped the Egyptian Armored Cavalry Divisions. They have led the Israelites safely through the sea to freedom. They were on their way to God's good promised land. And how did the people respond? They didn't give Moses a medal or a plaque or a beautiful quilt with squares representing each of the twelve tribes. They didn't even say "thanks!" No, they whined! "Are we there yet?" "This desert is too hot!" "Are we lost?" "How much farther is it?" "I'm hungry!" And so on. Naturally Moses felt misunderstood and abused, so what did he do? He said, "Don't come whining to me!" Then he went and whined to God. Not the last time we will see this pattern in the story of the Exodus - or the history of the church.
God heard their complaint, which
is the heart of the Exodus story from the very beginning … God heard
their cries from cruel slavery in
God heard the Israelites' complaints
and provided them with bread from heaven, manna, a name derived from
Hebrew word which literally means
"What is it?" because when Moses said, "Eat this!" the
people said, "What is it?!" The Bible says "the manna was
like coriander seed, and its color was like the color of gum resin. The people
went around and gathered it, ground it in mills or beat it in mortars, then
boiled it in pots and made cakes of it; and the taste of it was like the taste
of cakes baked with oil" (Num 11:7-8).
God heard their complaint, and God provided - not what they wanted (steak and potatoes) but what they needed (their daily bread), not more than they needed, but just what they need (enough for this one day). And what did the Israelites do? According to the story in Numbers 11, they didn't have a Thanksgiving service. They didn't praise God or promise that they would follow forever after no matter what. No, they whined! They were eating. They were full. They were feasting on the riches of God's grace. But they were whining and dining at the same time!
They
were tired of manna.
There is only so much you can do with it - fried manna, boiled manna, baked
manna, broiled manna, manna fritters, manna with banana, manna scampi, manna etouffé. They said, "If
only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we used to eat in
Sometimes when people whine and complain they have a good reason. And the first thing we need to do is listen and ask, "What can I do to help here? Where am I at fault in this? How can I support you and help you remedy this problem? Just as often though, people don't actually whine about what's really bothering them. Sometimes, they don't even know what's really bothering them except they feel negative and need to let us know it. So, "You need a haircut because you look like a hippie" may actually mean "I am angry and heartbroken that my teenaged son wears his hair long, seems to hate me, and we can't get along." "You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition" may actually mean, "I don't feel like I matter any more and I don't know who I am now that I'm not teaching English at the high school." "Lord, I'm hungry" may actually mean "Lord, I'm scared. Lord, I'm lonely. Lord, I'm having trouble trusting you." So sometimes, when people whine, they aren't really complaining about you. They're crying out for your attention. They're crying out for your help because they're in pain, and pain can bring out people's darkness. But love means hanging in there with their negativity and whining and darkness without becoming negative and whiny and dark yourself.
You know, that's what Jesus did. He absorbed all the pain, and all the whining, angry, darkness of the world into the cross, and said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." That's how I would encourage you to hear the whines of those around you, and then respond with a strong dose of love.
But it would appear from the Exodus stories that even God has limits, that sometimes what God thinks we need is not a tender pat on the back but a swift kick in the pants. "Quit your whining," God says. "Put it in perspective. Look at the big picture here. Don't grind everybody up in trivialities. Put yourself in perspective. Stop making yourself the center of the universe." So I would encourage you to bear one another's burdens, to be tender and patient in listening to those who need an ear to hear their whines, and love them anyway. But where it comes to your own negativity, let me offer a few simple ways to test a “fine whine.”
First, ask yourself if the thing that is bothering you really matters. If it does, you need to do something about it. If it doesn't, let it go. If you can't let it go, you might want to ask yourself why this is bothering you so. Before you dump it on a friend or co-worker or partner or pastor or even God, ask yourself what it is you're really unhappy about. Is it actually this particular thing, or is it something else, something you may even have a hard time admitting? As often as not, our whines are a symptom of what's going on inside us, and that's what we need to address. Second, are you taking it to the right person? If not, it might just gossip, and that does damage to everybody involved. There's no use whining to the person who can't do anything about it but feel negative, too. Third, consider the effect of your complaint on the person with whom you share it. Do you realize on average it takes about ten positive remarks to balance a single negative one? Is your complaint worth the damage it might do? Fourth, consider what ways you have contributed to the problem and how you might offer to help with its solution. Consider, too, the other people in the group whose opinions might differ from yours. Finally, find ways which express your concern in a context of mutual respect and trust. Seek resolution, not punishment. Seek mutual solution that strengthens relationships for the future, not win/lose solutions that leave people frustrated and discouraged and relationships severed. Don't let a minor complaint become a major division. As Earnest Campbell observed "Every battle isn't Armageddon."
Please
understand, I'm certainly not talking to those
of you who are hurting and need someone to pray with you. That's not whining. I'm not
talking to you hard working Nekoosa UCCers who feel
passionate about some issue. That's not whining. I'm not talking to
anybody whose feelings I might have hurt. Let's talk. I want to be very clear:
I don't have anybody particular in mind with this sermon today. I have every
one of you in mind! Because life is too short to waste on
whining. Life is too precious to fritter away on negativity. Our mission
together is too important to be sacrificed to the nibbling of the ducks, even
when we are the ducks. I need positive people to help me keep from getting
negative. We need to do that for each other. Don't you think that's true? Okay
then, I'm done whining - for now.
May
we pray?
Lord you sure are patient with us. Help us to be patient with each other and
listen to those who are hurting and need to share. Don't let us ever get too
thick skinned to care about the friend with a thorn in her side or the burr up
his saddle. So let us be a community who bear one
another's burdens. But help us to keep ourselves in perspective and keep our
carping to a minimum. We have so much more to say thanks over than we have to
complain about. Give us a positive and grateful spirit, and let us share with
the world what you have given us - a reason to hope, a reason to rejoice, in
Jesus' name. Amen.
Mary Anne Biggs, Pastor
Nekoosa United
Nekoosa